Alright. Everything's starting to feel like school now, for sure.
Because I'm freaking out.
A lot. Over nothing. Right back into the normal pattern of things I guess. For a brief moment yesterday, I felt like I was back on top of the world, with a plan and direction. I went to my advisement for spring semester yesterday and we went over what all I've done and where I'm going and all that. By the end of it, I felt informed, I felt ready to go out and conquer. It helps that she kept reminding me how ahead I was from all my high school AP credits and dual credit. I know what credits I have, I know I'll be a sophomore next semester, I know what classes I'll take next semester and next summer and next year. I know a lot now. It's all set out for me.
But it all means nothing if I fail a class. Then my whole schedule is for nothing. My whole master plan is worthless. Right now, I'm freaking out. My life is overwhelming at the moment. I have a midterm that is essentially half of my grade for a class on Friday that I'm freaking out about. All the hours I've spent reading things and going to class, and I look at the review sheet and can't answer anything. Besides that class, I feel like I'm being left behind in my other classes. So much memorization for all the classes. I don't do memorization too well.
And besides class itself, I have a million other things going on. My room is a mess, for one. Not like, all of the room, just my half and my desk. And this freaks me out. I'm not a neat freak or anything, but when I start getting overwhelmed with life, a mess doesn't help. I need to clean my room before I'll be able to think.
I have these random checks that my mom sent me from some lawsuit that a company lost and had to pay their stockholders or something, and I ended up with two checks because my granddad bought something in my name before I could eat on my own. But anyway, this mess all comes down to the fact that I have checks. This wouldn't be a problem back at home, but the extent of my banking on campus is a single ATM. I need a car to get to the bank, and that's something I don't have. I just don't have the time to go and ride a bike to downtown Waco.
...you see what's happening? I'm taking things like a messy desk and free money and blowing them out of proportion and making them horrible, awful things. I'm so stressed. Only I could take free money and make it a burden on my life. This is silly. Why... no, not even why... how did I get this stressed?
I bet I can tell you. Netflix. Yep. This is what happens when you waste your life away with a tv show. Let's face it. When I watch Dexter for 10 or something hours on Sunday and then a few more on Monday, suddenly I'm a day behind and life is screaming at me. On the bright side, Dexter is awesome. I love tv shows that involve character development so much. LOST was my last obsession. Dexter is my new one to replace it. I think the reason these kinds of tv shows appeal to me so much more than movies is because you go with the characters. You invest time with the characters. You learn about them. You come to love or hate them. You know them. Movies, you start somewhere, you observe for an hour or two (or 8 if you're watching the Lord of the Rings, but still...), and then conflict is resolved and everyone parts ways. You leave them to live happily ever after and its all done. TV shows always have something new to deal with and some new way for the characters to grow and evolve. You invest hours and hours with them and you feel almost like they're your friends and family. After a full 25 hours of episodes with Dexter, I feel like I know some of those characters better than I know most of the people I deal with in real life.
If you've stuck around since the beginning of my ramblings, you know I've done this rant before, but since I've watched Dexter almost non-stop for a few days, so its fresh on my mind, and I haven't been over this idea for awhile, and we have new readers in our midst. But, question for everyone: Do you get it? Am I crazy? Or insanely anti-social? Seriously, am I nuts for immersing myself into these TV shows and accepting these fictional characters as personal relationships? Is it weird that I see a situation in life and say, "well I know what Dexter's sister would do here"?
I guess I'll go do something useful and productive and try to get less stressed. I'll go make some flashcards or something... even if I don't learn anything, I'll feel productive. Thanks for listening guys; you are all awesome for not only putting up with my insanity on a regular basis, but doing it willingly. So.... thanks. :]
Oh! Only THREE DAYS until Anna comes to Waco! I'm so excited that I can't even contain it. Just thinking about it makes me smile from ear to ear. Ahhh! :D