Tuesday, June 28, 2011

a new take on friendship

So much busy in my life. Ugh. I wish it left more room to blog, but sadly it doesn't so much anymore. When I'm not working, I'm in class or doing homework for it. When I'm not doing either of those, I'm doing my OCD thing and blazing through seasons of Doctor Who. Yes, I finally caved in to the 4 or 5 people who insisted I start watching, and, for whatever reason, there are over sixty 45 minute episodes on netflix instant. I started season one, episode one with a quick prayer that went something like "god help my social life. amen" and then went on to obsessively blow through 4 seasons. I did the same thing with Dexter. I did the same thing with freaking Full Metal Alchemist. It doesn't matter. If it has multiple seasons and a basic story line, count me out for a few days, at least. I feel like waiting to watch them all in sequence allows you to connect with the characters better, because you don't forget details week to week. It's all there at once.

Anyway, not what this post is about. While I've been at work, I've been making new friends. It kinda got me thinking, along with a conversation with another friend, about friendships in general. Mainly internet friends (oh hi guys) versus the basic, in-person kind. It's an interesting thing to look at. People you know in person, you share something basic with. School friends, you have the same school, maybe the same classes. Work friends you obviously met at work, more often than not. Random friends you met at a party, you share some common friend and like to go to parties. There's always a reason you met them. Something in common in your habits or friends or hobbies. After you meet them in whatever setting, you may trade phone numbers or something like it, and then maybe start talking outside your common setting. Getting something to eat after work, studying together instead of partying together when you realize you both have that awful geology class. That sort of thing. That's when you start to know person. They stop being an associate, a school acquaintance, that guy at that party. They become your friend. Someone you confide in, someone you share memories and thoughts and feelings with. Someone you can count on to have an opinion when it counts. After time, it becomes more than words. You start to hang out more often, sharing more memories and living future memories together, laughing the whole way. Suddenly years have gone by and you're best of friends and have been for years, and it's just normal. Maybe he's in your wedding. Maybe she's your best friend that lives across the street. 

Now, that's how lifelong in person friendships go, I think. Having not had a lifelong anything, I can't say from my 19 year old perspective, but that's kinda how I imagine it happening. Internet friends are a different story. The time line above allows for months of friendly interaction without any real connection. It gives even more time before two people start talking outside of a common situation and begin exchanging pasts and secrets and such. The internet is funny. There is no commonality. How'd you find my blog, if I don't know you physically? (the rest of you, I'm fairly sure I know how you found it) You linked to it from a friend of a friend of a friend one day when you were bored on blogger. You hit that B until you stumbled upon it. Maybe you legitimately StumbledUpon it. Point is, it wasn't intentional. You weren't looking for me. But you found me. Then you read. You skipped months of getting to know me on a basic level and skipped to my thoughts, my past, my ambitions, my plans, my ramblings, and everything in between. You know me on a deeper level than most of the people I communicate with in person. And you're still here.

Does that make you better friends than most of the people I know? I don't know the answer, I'm really asking. Are we friends? You sure know me well enough; I don't hide anything on here. You've got all of me in front of you, just in writing. Hell, it's the internet. Go find my facebook; it's not protected, I don't think. Between that and this, is there any part of my life that's not on the internet?

But then, what's the fun in that? That good old fashioned way of making friends seems so much more meaningful. There's so much more invested in it. So much time and effort, so much connection. When you have those building blocks, you can move forward to create together instead of simply share to each other. That's something that will never happen, probably, between you and me. We, again, probably, I shouldn't ever say never, will probably never meet in person or share memories together. We have separate lives, yet I know you so well, and you me. But is it that special? Where was the effort in getting to know you? Just reading what you write. In person, you know how long it takes to get to peek into someone's personal little journal of rants and scribbles? How long it takes for them to be comfortable enough with you allow that sort of intimacy? The internet is a beautiful and terrible thing. There is no consequence to what I say here (okay, again, not talking to those who I talk to outside of the internet). There's nothing you can do that will have a severe impact on the majority of my life. So I feel no shame sharing everything. Its a great thing, to have all of you here, ready to listen to whatever shit I have to say, whether it makes sense or not. I always have an outlet, someone who cares and will listen and occasionally respond. But let's be real. It didn't take any effort to get you here.

In person relationships, those that took so much effort and consideration, mean more. If I've judged a person to be worthy of all this information, then I've looked into the future and seen the two of us still conversing, still being friends. I have no thoughts of you taking this information and using it against me, or taking any complaint I have and telling me to grow the fuck up. It's part of that 'choose your friends wisely' thing. Here it's just not an issue. But the thought it takes in real life, the actual choosing of my friends makes them all the more special.

I say all of this out of pure interest in the topic of different kinds of friends. I don't want to belittle you who don't see me outside of this website. I think you guys are awesome for putting up with me completely willingly. There's nothing keeping you here except interest of what I have to say, and I think that's freaking awesome. Internet versus physical relationships isn't a contest. They're apples and oranges.

By the way, if you still read this silly ranting nonsense I call a blog, please do comment telling me so, so I know this whole shout out in the last paragraph wasn't all for nothing. Kay? Kay. :)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

ah, back to the good old stuff

Community college is funny. The teaching style is very nostalgic. Very very nostalgic. It's like being put back in 8th grade English. We have to write papers that are college length, but on one of the 4 topics she gives us, with a structure matching her rubric, with a clearly identifiable thesis and all but labeled evidence. MLA format is about a tenth of the grade, and god help you if you use passive voice. Past the papers, she teaches us like we just left elementary school and have never seen the written language.

Maybe a short anecdote will emphasize my point, as I learned today in class. She's really big on peer review. You know, 3 classmates help you edit your paper so it doesn't suck as much. But she has a rubric for peer review. Beside the point, sorry. We had one of these peer review days, and by the end of it, I felt much more confident about my own paper, mostly by reading three others, but also by the comments left on my own paper:

I've put this on my facebook and everything; I just can't get enough of it. It just epitomizes community college to the fullest. More accurately the typical community college student. Firstly, let's analyze the physical aspects of this masterpiece of a comment. Firstly and most noticeable is the wrong use of 'to', in place of 'too'. As it is written, it appears to be either a direction, or a delivery to Mr. Long. If it is indeed a direction, they failed to tell me where exactly 'long' is, so that I can take my sentence there to get it fixed. Perhaps Long Island, as there are a few publishing companies there that can surely help me. Next, we see the handwriting itself. I can't rag on this too much, as mine is perfectly bad as well. It would seem they haven't taken the time to draw a straight line on their arrow, and in a fourth of an inch have managed to make it wave. Kudos to them, though, as they have spelled "sentence" correctly, as my dad pointed out earlier today. I suppose I wouldn't be surprised at this point for a 'sentense' or 'sintense'. Maybe even 'sin tense'. Maybe that's a stretch. Maybe not. After seeing the misspelling and bad handwriting, we must next delve deeper into the actual content of this peer's note. The sentence in question here was as such:

Knowing his audience, and the accepted mindset, he knew that for them to take him seriously, he would have to present his argument with a logical cool-headed view, and use metaphors to effectively communicate to the average American.
 Now, I will admit, I use commas in excess. This does not make them unnecessary though. Each qualifying phrase stuck between commas has its purpose and is much needed to complete the thought I was getting across. When this individual claimed my sentence was "to long," I will assume he is referring to the length of my sentence, as I don't know a Mr. Long. Yes, it is perhaps a lengthy, 38 word sentence. However, my friendly classmate, the underlying message within the sentence is easy enough to understand - to be taken seriously he needed logic and simple metaphors. But if I say just that, would not the tone of the sentence be lost? Would the true meaning of the statement remain? Could I continue the essay with my audience only knowing half of the story? No, friend, each of these 38 words serves a purpose, and I will write how I damn well please. I only need a C to transfer the credit to Baylor.

(I will take a moment to be bitter. Let me make this sentence 'to long', just for you, student without a high school degree. Knowing his audience of average American people, mainly males, and the accepted mindset of the time period that was pro-America and the American government, with little margin for Anarchy, Henry David Thoreau, who changed his name from David Henry Thoreau, knew that for those American people to take him seriously, he would have to present his argument against the government, and in fact the very opposite of most average Americans' basic values, with a logically planned and cool-headed view, all the while using easy to understand, simple metaphors that most Americans could grasp easily to effectively communicate to those people. There, just for you, a 100 word sentence. I typed this into word and it told me my sentence was long and I should consider revising it. No, it didn't tell me that with my original. I checked. Go fuck yourself.)

Now, referring to the title of this post, you may assume I was referencing the nostalgia of middle school English classes. I was not. It was in fact a reference to using Blogger as a means of procrastination, as I should be working on that damn outline for the second essay right now. It's due in about 14 hours, but I have to sleep and go to class between now and then, at very least, and I am wide awake right now due to excessive amounts of Dr Pepper and Pibb. The Pibb is a sad excuse for Dr Pepper and is a Coca Cola product, which is sadly all the movie theatre serves. I went to Whataburger with a friend after work and conveniently refilled my cup with proper fluids.

Okay, that back there was kinda a lie. I'm not wide awake. I'm balls tired, but there's no way I'll be going to sleep in the next hour.. and given that it's 2:16 currently, I should probably either work on the paper or do my best to sleep, then wake up and keep going before class.

This class is at noon. I was late yesterday because I slept until 11:59. No joke. Work and fun has fucked up my sleeping schedule to the point where I find it hard to fall asleep if it's not in the 3 o'clock hour or later, and then I sleep until 6:30, let my puppy out because he's whiny and needy and has a full bladder and wants breakfast. Silly dog, what do you expect? Food? Psh. Then I go back to sleep for another 5 hours. Eight interrupted hours of sleep isn't quite the same as eight hours of sleep. In any case, I need to go and stop talking about sleeping and get to it.

This post is over a 1000 words, Professor. Do I get an A?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Absolutely worthless

Let us take apart this picture, piece by piece. First, we notice the dog. Standing. Still, I'll add, though a picture can't really prove it. That's not so bad. Second, we see a cat, laying worthlessly on the bench, without a care in the world. Also not uncommon, until you notice breathing being C, a bird on the left side. This is what the cat is noticing. Or more accurately, trying to ignore. What kind of cat sees a bird and just yells at it a little, then tries to ignore it? Utterly useless.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

oh, yeah, this exists

So hey.. been awhile. I better have something to say, huh?

Last time I wrote, I was about to start a job, and was getting ready for summer. So the past month, I've been working my ass off and getting the utmost out of summer. So much so that I seem to have forgotten my computer really existed.

But before I start about how my summer's been going, lets have a fun little anecdote. Tonight was the first night I legitimately ran from cops. Well... kinda ran. More of a casual walk. Anyway. I was at a party a little out of my comfort zone. There were mostly people I didn't really know, or had only talked to in high school during lunch or whatever - not friends by any means. I knew a handful, but the other 30 I had no idea. It was loud and rowdy, unlike the parties my friend and I have been throwing all summer. Okay, not unlike, but to a new level, I should say. It was pretty much the cliche party. I showed up really late since I had work until 12:15, so everyone was pretty drunk now that they were 2 hours into the party. I made myself a nice, strong drink with hopes of catching up, but made it through about half of it before someone spotted cops. Word got round and before the next person knew, I had carefully let myself out the back. I was casually strolling down the alley, took a right onto the street, and was staring at 2 cop cars. Knowing that if I turned around, it would be a dead give away, I took the only logical course of action and just kept walking. I took another right onto the house's street and saw 3 more cop cars and several flashlights to go with it. Just keep walking. I started to hear a conversation at the door of the house, something like "It's obvious you've been having a party, and it's obvious you've been drinking." "no officer, I swear, I've been drinking coffee all night." So without looking suspicious, I kept walking, glancing curiously over at the cop interrogating a kid trying to get to his car. My car, being only one house over, was off limits. So I kept walking. My friend Tim didn't live terribly far away... maybe 3 or 4 blocks, so I decided that would be a good choice. I called him, and he said he wasn't home, but I could use his house as a safe zone until I could get back to my car. Eventually he got home and drove me back to my car and all was well... by eventually, I mean it was about 2:15, so I was nice and sober, having had only half a drink to begin with. He drove me to my car and I drove off, just like that. Everyone who stayed got consumption tickets, the poor idiots. I guess it was 90% luck that I got away, considering my escape route, but I credit myself to some degree.

So that was my night tonight - 7 hours of working, 15 minutes of partying, and 3 hours of hiding. Not a boring night, at least. Though none of my nights have been boring since summer started. The same friend, Tim, has a house to himself most of the time due to certain parental circumstances, so his house has kinda been home base. That house has seen it all, minus the police. We don't invite the 100% party animals like that party, so we stay under the radar. Any night I'm not working until 2 I show up at his place at least for an hour or two, but it's usually more. We mix it up. Some nights are clean, with video games and cook outs and such, and some nights we party and get plenty of drinks for all. It's been fun. Really fun. I love summer.

But you see why I haven't been here, on the blog. The other reason is my family decided to buy into the smart phone world, so if I need internet, there it is! psh, computers. so big and heavy. I'm sure I could blog from my phone if I really wanted to, but wow... it would take so long, what with the general length of my posts and how slow I still am at that silly touch screen keyboard. The typo-Kyle would come out for all to see. Not good.

In other news, I moved some stuff into my apartment that I have in Waco. It's now furnished with a couch, a bed, and a dresser. And some kitchen things. My dad was with me to move in, and I've only been down there once, so there hasn't been a proper house warming party, but it's on the list. Next on the move in list is my desk and the kitchen table... so probably another Uhaul, which will be a pain, and might include my dad again, sadly. Maybe I can convince him a few friends are plenty to help me move that behemoth of a desk.... the thing is like an executive's desk. It's 3x5 feet on the top, if you can imagine that, and sits about waist high. I'd love to fit that in my car, but we'll see.

What else, what else.... Berkley! You remember my puppy, yes? Well, he's gotten super huge, relatively. He's more than twice the size he was when I put that picture up, and he's about 11 pounds. He hasn't settled down at all either, which makes for a bad combination. I'm too broke to get him a proper kennel, so he's got a little squared off area of my room that constitutes his bed/time out corner. He's getting used to the whole idea of peeing outside, and is happy to use grass when its there, but has yet to realize it's the only place he's allowed to pee. Still working on that. Despite my greatest efforts, he's a spoiled little puppy, thanks to my parents mostly, but I can't blame them completely.. the other night I finally gave in and let him sleep on the bed with me. He's just too adorable. And he's small, so it doesn't really matter.. training is fairly optional.

There's also Taylor. I dunno how much I've talked about her.. I've forgotten because it's been so long! Taylor, if you don't remember/ I haven't told you, is my big sister, fraternally speaking, and also my current romantic interest. Little strange to grasp, but it works. It's not as awkward as you think. We're not dating, mostly because I don't want to start a relationship right after summer started and we're hours apart... I learned that lesson already. But in all other aspects apart from the title, we're basically together. We saw each other nearly every day for the last few months of spring semester, and she's visited once already this summer, and might be here next weekend too, which is rather exciting. The only problem is that I might be working my ass off for 20 hours or so while she's here, which would be a bit of a drag. She'd be coming with her friend, and I'm not the only person she knows in Coppell, so she said she'd be fine, and we could still hang out while I'm not in the AMC prison.

Speaking of which, how is work, you might ask. Well, it's a job. Lots of idiots, lots of poor communication among management, lots of problems, lots of shitty hours. But it works. It's not so bad, really. I don't get paid enough for the shit I go through, but its money, and its nice and time consuming and keeps me out of the house. One of my biggest fears: getting stuck in the house with nothing to do. That's when my mother tightens what little grasp she has on me and makes me do things. Like clean. I'm to the maturity level where I do it anyway, but on my own time. She doesn't quite get this, but it's worked out well enough so far. Sorry, side tracked... work. Yeah. The benefits of working there are why I stay... free movies rule. And employee screenings. The free drinks and popcorn don't count for much, but it's still a nice little perk. Just knowing that I'll see the final installment of Harry before everyone else gets me through the day. So that's a plus.

Did I cover everything? Work, partying at Tim's, running from cops, the puppy.... oh, basketball. Another hobby Tim and I and a few others have been taking to heart. Mav's watch party at Tim's followed by a pick up game at 11 at night: always a good idea. Oh, and if you aren't aware, I'm from Dallas. I support my Mavs. If you're rooting for Miami... well fuck you. You're wrong, and will be sadly disappointed tomorrow night. And that's that. But back to my own basketball skills... they're improving, the more I play (who could have guessed) and its a nice hobby. I'm not terribly serious about it, but it's nice to have some athletic aspect to my life besides marching band. I need to start running or something... I hate to sound so female, but all this bad habit stuff is starting to show, and I hate it. I need to get it gone before it gets bad. Drinking too much, eating too much crap food, not exercising at all.... just a bad combination of things that results in flab. So exercise made the list of things to do when I get around to it. The dog is a nice incentive to start running, since he's getting a little pudgy himself.

I think that's everything. It's now 3 in the morning, and I have work in 11 hours for an 11 hour shift. Better sleep, huh? But it's good to be back, and I'll start catching up with everyone's blogs here shortly, when I get the chance, which may not be for a few days, but we'll see.