We provide so much that you will prefer!
Sex, drugs, booze…
Oh, sincerely, sir, I concur.
We made the top 10 in these,
The world-renowned something-or-another is here,
I’m just in it for the beer.
You matter to us, [name],
Your SATs are so high!
High? Sure, I’m in.
It might help me get by.
Plus, we offer so many scholarships,
You’ll practically get in for free!
How much of that money you get
do you think I’ll actually touch?
Why the hell are you telling me?
We know your future is important,
So we want to help you succeed!
Mk, sure. I’ll go to class.
But not before I get my weed.
We really want YOU, [student],
So put your name here, on the dotted line!
Fuck it, as long as I get my TV shows,
Show me where to sign.