I think I got a little side tracked with that last one. Where was I? Right, last you heard, I was looking for a job. Now I have two. I'm a life guard and a data entry guy. Both on campus, both minimum wage. Most of my life guarding shifts are pretty late at night, which fits my sleep schedule pretty well. Now the big worry is a real job, since I'm graduating in August now. Big boy jobs are a lot harder to come by, apparently. I'd even settle for a post graduation internship right now.
In other news, I'm living by myself now. And when I say by myself, I mean not even my dog is here. He stayed home all of last semester, and I've had him for about two months, but he just went home because March Madness is coming up quick, and with all those trips with the band, it's better to just leave him with the parents for awhile.
I guess the biggest development is that this semester I started going to the counseling center on campus. They keep asking, "what do you want to gain from this?" and "Why did you start coming?" I honestly can't answer those. I guess a few of my friends said it helped them. Honestly, it's because freshman year when I heard about getting 7 free sessions, I vowed to one day use them (since I wasn't happy then either) and that whole mess with whatsyourface and my parents just put me over the edge. I was so mad at everything and everyone and myself that I just had to do something about it. Talk to someone about it. So the first week of class I finally went. It's in the same building I work in, so it's not like I had any excuse not to drop by. We're still figuring out what's wrong with me, and more to come later, but as it sits, I'm still not happy. I'm not excited about life, even though I should be. It seems like I have everything going for me - I have a 3.78 GPA, I'm on the verge of graduating and starting my life, I balance school with two jobs, an amazing fraternity, and a hobby that I love. I have my place in life, and it keeps me busy almost constantly.
When I'm not doing something, I'm doing nothing. Duh, right? What I mean is that when I'm not in class or with friends or at work or at band or doing something with other people, I sit at home and watch Netflix or play on my phone or aimlessly wonder around the internet - completely unproductive activities. I could be cleaning my house or my car, doing my laundry, applying for jobs, doing homework, taking a shower, doing the dishes, buying groceries, reading textbooks, cooking... hell, even writing for this stupid blog that 10 people read. At least it's something. I don't know why I don't do any of those things. I use to say I was too lazy, but it's something else. I just feel aimless when I'm not busy. Purposeless. Useless. I can't bring myself to go do anything by myself for myself.
So I'm seeing someone about it now. Step one, check. Now follows happiness after a few more steps. Hopefully. I'm not sure what happiness feels like. As it sits, I go through the motions every day. Nothing is especially exciting. I don't look forward to tomorrow. I play my part and don't feel any satisfaction. I'm not planning on killing myself by any means, but if I were to die, say, in a car crash, I wouldn't particularly care. It just saves me the trouble of having to put up with living. And that's just no way to go through life, so hopefully something good comes out of this whole counseling thing. You assholes never comment, so I won't bother asking about your experience with counseling and what you got from it.
Other than that.... okay, let's go through the checklist. Girlfriend? Not a chance. Job? Two minimum wage college jobs, but no real one. I did an interview not too long ago, but they sent me a letter saying thanks but no thanks. School? Verge of graduation if I can pass my classes. Which usually isn't a problem, even though it feels like I'm tanking every semester. I made a 4.0 last semester without trying (nearly, anyway; I studied the night before tests). It felt like I was failing all my classes, then poof, straight A's. I can't argue too much. Social life? I go to bars a lot now that I can legally drink. It's pretty much replaced all the other crutches I had. As far as my fraternity goes, we got seven new members over the weekend, so that's cool.
I'm out of things to talk about I think. But as a bonus story, a few weeks ago, someone smashed the back passenger window of my car and stole my trumpet out of the backseat. The same week I got a ticket for rolling through a stop sign, and Valentine's Day reminded me how alone I was. It wasn't a great week. But I can do defensive driving and have the ticket dropped, and the police found my trumpet, in the case, in perfect shape, in an alley way near my apartment. Apparently the douche that took it thought it was a gun in a bag or something and then didn't want it. So all in all, the ticket and window cost me about $350, which is still a lot better than paying a $250 ticket and replacing a $1500 trumpet, $100 mouthpiece, and $100 trumpet case. So there's your miracle story of the day.