so it turns out people actually read this! thanks guys for telling me this; i thought i was talking to myself :]
so sorry for being depressing last post. it was that whole i'm-jacked-up-on-caffeine-and-can't-sleep-but-i'm-so-very-very-tired state of being that just brings me down to the life-ranting level. i guess because i have nothing better to do except sit and think. and find websites like this, but that's a different story completely. so again, as much as some enjoyed that post, sorry for bringing the mood so down.
i just got back from senior parent night. i think my mom put it best... this is the first smack in the face. yeah, my cap and gown came in, but that wasn't nearly as bad as this. this was the first real thing that said, yes, parents, your kid is just about gone. and i guess this kinda goes with whatever i was ranting about last time, but i took things away from senior parent night, even if it was for the parents. i realized that we have 3 months. maybe 4. then life.... well, doesn't start; it just keeps going, but drastically changes. for better or worse. of course, we all know that, but have you sat down and thought about it? every thing you know will be different. every habit, every responsibility, every day will change. no nagging parents, sure. but then again, no one to go to except over a phone or maybe you can fit in a visit next holiday. the two people (in my case at least) that were always there to get me out of trouble, tell me to walk her to the door, give me an extra 20 for some food on the way, tell me no when i'm screwing up, schedule haircuts, remind me school's tomorrow, feed me..... those two won't be around all the time. its grow up time... still, for better or worse. the freedom will be nice, but don't forget what peter's uncle always said about great power.
its.... scary. and however much we yell and scream about how we've been ready to leave this damn bubble for 10 years now, i think we're all scared out of our minds somewhere deep down (some much deeper than others) about starting to live by ourselves. and i don't mean physically move out and live in a house or dorm or whatever away from our parents, but live on our own. make our own choices, do our own thing. it really is scary as hell, and that part of me that ran to mommy's bed during the thunderstorms doesn't want to go. the rest of me is beyond ready to, but there's that part that is... well, scared.
and i made these epiphanies tonight during mrs. springer's speech. i, kyle wilkinson, will miss my parents. there, i said it. and its true. i know, i know, its a surprise to me too, but its so true.
so that's my sentimental garble of the night. i really hope i'm not the only one who has this realization. i know i do things mostly on my own now, but its like i'm a training tightrope walker, and i'm at that point where tightrope walking is a breeze. i can do it with my eyes closed and a smile on my face. i might even juggle while going across. but now the ringleader takes down the safety net below me and i'm freaking out. its just like before, but now its really all on me to get things right. and.... i dunno about that one.