lacking.

Hey everyone,

I'm in a bit of an odd mood tonight. I can't really describe it at all, but I feel slightly obligated to try... it's a blog after all, and if I'm going to bring it up, I'd better be talking about it, yeah? Yeah.

I'm not tired. I know that one. First of all, I'm drinking this double espresso something or another from Common Grounds (the local coffee shop, for anyone out of the loop). Secondly, I think I got a good 8 hours of sleep last night, and I think the night before that too.... the days kinda blur together when you go to bed at 2 or 3 and wake up at 10, but I know I've gotten at least 7 every night this week. That's something most college kids can't boast, especially with a test this week.

So I'm not physically exhausted. Mental washout? I don't think that's it either. Sure, I've been doing more than I did all of senior year last year, but that's not saying anything. I slept through my classes last year. This semester I'm not doing nearly as much as the people around me, even though I'm working a little harder. My two friends that are my Common Grounds/food/study/party/whatever buddies are in this pseudo-honors program and they work their butts off. (You can hear all about the more positive parts of BIC, the honors bit, from the source... Ethan, one of the friends talks about it in his blog, if you care at all.) I'm sitting here writing this and they're sitting next to me, reading something required and writing papers and God knows what else. I'm also only taking 14 hours this semester, which all in all, even with band, is a pretty light load, considering one of those classes is a geology class nicknamed "Rocks for Jocks". Technically, it's "Earthquakes and Natural Disasters," but it's pretty blow-off-y. So in reality, I don't have all that much work to do. So it's not mental exhaustion either.

I know I'm not happy. Whatever I'm feeling, it's not happiness. I know happy, and this isn't it. It's not Baylor or anything making me particularly unhappy, because I'm not unhappy either. It's not unhappiness as much as the lack of happiness, if that makes sense. There's no negative, but there's no positive. I don't really have anything to look forward to except school related events like band and on campus things. I should probably be getting pumped up for the first away game at TCU in Fort Worth, but I'm not particularly excited. When I think about it, it sounds like fun, but I'm just not as excited as I should be. I mean, this is BU's first real football game.. Sam Houston? Buffalo? No one cares about them. We beat them times 10. Seriously. 34 to 3, and then 34 to 6. We didn't exactly leave it up for debate. But now experts are saying we'll loose by roughly 21 points. So yeah - our first challenge. I should be really excited. Oh well.

And other than football, there really isn't anything coming up, even school related. The most exciting thing on my schedule is the slight possibility Anna visiting sometime later ish maybe. The concreteness of our planning is almost tangible, don't you think? At least I have Fall Break to look forward to in a month, which is basically one day, but it makes for a nice three day weekend, conveniently when Coppell (my old high school) plays Southlake (our bitter rivals). So far, the record for the past two years - the only two years we've been playing each other - is 1 to 1. This is the big game to decide it for me, since by next year I probably won't care as much.

But still - that's next month. AKA a lifetime away.

*sigh*
whatever.

I guess the best way to describe myself is "lacking". I'm missing something. I just have to find it, whatever "it" is.

Relient K never fails to have an appropriate lyric for whatever situation I find myself in, and this one seems to fit nicely right now:

"You all laugh at me
Like I'm not happy
With anything, any time, anywhere
And the half of me's all about apathy
And the other half just doesn't care"